ANOTHER YEAR ALMOST OVER.....

Ok so time is just flying by. I can't believe it is almost Christmas again. I am officially half way through teaching another school year and on to another semester of master classes. I can't believe how fast time goes by and how much happens in a year. Life is truly like a roller coaster, it is continuous ups and downs. Sometimes i am not too sure i am enjoying the ride... Other times it surprises me with what comes. I just wish i had more of a target for where i was headed. I am getting older and not really going anywhere. But i guess my goal is to just keep hanging in there and hope that life takes me somewhere great. It is so weird to see how many relationships change in a year, how many friends come and go and how families change. It's like each day is really something new. Hopefully this year is full or more ups, and more hints as to my future goals. Hopefully i try harder to stay positive and to regain some of my hope that i have lost. I hope it brings new friends and stronger relationships, and strength for when the hard times come, because i know there will be some of those too. What goes up must come down, i just have to remember it will eventually go up again!!

I hope everyone enjoys the holiday season. I have to be honest, the holidays aren't as exciting when you get old, and when you don't have kids to share the fun with... But I do have one thing to look forward to... WINTER BREAK!!! Which means vacation for me! Yahoo!!

Xander is here!!!

Xander Robert was born December 16th at 8:22. He weighed 8lbs. 7oz. I am so excited for my sister and brother in law! He will be such a fun addition to their family! I can't wait to watch him grow up. I am so grateful for family. This will be such a fun holiday season!

Happy Birthday Gunnar!!

Today is my nephew Gunnar's Birthday! He is two years old. I can't believe it! He is so cute and fun. I think i really like kids when they are this age. He is fun to play with, he can finally say my name, and he is like super duper cute~! So I just wanted to say Happy Birthday Gunnar!!!

Never settle for less than you deserve!!

Today i realized something HUGE.... You can't let happiness go when you have worked so hard to get it back. Recently i had a really rough time in life where i felt really low and down. I didn't even know what to do. But i worked really hard to stay positive and keep trying. I finally got to a point where i really honestly was happy again. Maybe even the happiest i have been in a long long time. Then i let something get in the way, and almost ruin it again. Something i thought i had always wanted, but when it was finally right in front of me, it left me with an awful feeling. I just felt dark and not right, so i had to send it away, i had to let go. And to be honest i thought it would be a lot harder, but i actually feel pretty darn good that i was strong enough to actually do it! I am proud that when i didn't feel right i follwed my heart and let it go, so that i could save my happiness, save myself from darkness. How lucky am i, even though i have distanced myself from the church and my faith.... I have held on to enough to still pull through when i needed it. I have been trying to find myself bit by bit, just in time to avoid the pain of what i had just escaped.

Thank you to all of those who have listend to my story of these events time after time after time, those who have delt with my rollercoaster of emotions with this boy, and who have loved me and supported me no matter what stupid choices i make again and again. I know its been a long road these last 2 years, and i know i made my fair share of dumb choices with situations before this as well, heck you don't end up with an ex husband and a dud boyfriend of 2 years at the age of 24 without making a few dumb choices along the way... I am just lucky to still be alive, and that my choices haven't left me to die, or to a dead end where i can't learn and grow and hopefully end up in a much better situation.

I just pray that i will remember this lesson, and continue to put my needs and feelings first. That i will remain a strong woman who fights for herself. And that all of us with strive for happiness no matter how dark the road ahead looks...