Ok so First of all, WARNING this is going to be a major vent session, since i think it is safe to say, Not too many people are reading this anyway, and i am not sure who to talk to... SO i get to write about it instead.
Ever feel like the whole world is right in front of you and all you want is the choice you left behind?
I swear you finally get life figured out even a little bit and POOF it all rains again. I felt like i was really getting back on my game. Happy, for the most part. Content with life, accomplishing goals. And all of a sudden the entire world is glistening in the path ahead and then suddenly somewhere deep inside you stop to think... "Wait a second I want to be back where i was a few months ago."
I miss My relationship with Spencer. That is no lie. And it is no surprise to those of you that know me. He was in fact a huge part of my life. It has been hard to get past the life i had with him. I finally got to the point where I could break away from him, and move on. It was not easy, by any means, but i knew i had to do it. Then i was ok. I knew i was moving to the right path. And making goals again in life. And then of course, Now i am getting hit yet again with pain. Just when you think you have made it through the darkness and mess of a relationship gone wrong, it hits you again! You start to miss them, and wonder what you could have done differently to make it all work. It is a back and forth up and down emotional roller coaster!!
Not to mention i am kinda freaked out about starting a new grade this year. It is like being a first year teacher all over again! I have had to recreate the way i teach! It has been very stressful and overwhelming! And i am 2 weeks away from starting school and already working my butt off everyday to get ready! And stressing the first day of school! I have been so nervous and stressed it has literally made me sick! So apart from having a constant headache, and wanting to throw up =) Life is good.
3 Cheers for being 25, not married, no children, and doubting your Career path!
15 years ago
3 comments:
Slow down sweet one.. I was 25 when I got married, your on the right path- your such an amazing person and yes when it rains it pores, but remember the choices you have made have been for the better. I love your honesty and I appreciate your friendship your such a delight and I know your going to be the best first grade teacher. Please know I love ya and I am now starting to get back into blogging and in the swing of life, it has not been easy but it's a must do. Hang in there. I love ya
My daugther loved having you as a teacher last year and I'm certain that you will do great in your new grade.
As for past relationships... I understood he was a bad guy. Anyone who would manipulate and emotionally "abuse" you doesn't deserve you. Don't look back, let go and move forward. You're too smart to allow a little self pitty to send you back into a horrible relationship. You're amazing and deserve someone that will honor and respect you. Besides, I thought you were in a great relationship? What happened to him?
Stand strong and look at all you've accomplished at the YOUNG age of 25!
Thanks for your support guys! I really do love teaching and i know it will get better once the year starts. I just worry about everything!!! And i am going to miss 6th grade! I loved it!!!
But i am still in a good relationship. He is very very different than anything i have ever dated. He is great to me and supportive of my craziness =)Even when i doubt everything and am unsure of myself! I am lucky in that! I just need to believe in myself more!!
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